I see and remember everything. I see and mostly remember everything. I see and remember how I felt then. I remember what you made me feel. I remember it all. I haven’t forgotten it. I won’t—even when I wish to. When I beg myself to turn around and not look back, I stay still, stagnant to a point of disbelief in myself. How weak I am, that I can’t move on when all I want to do is disappear into the past. Fall, winter, and spring—every single one of them has come and gone. We only had four hundred and one days that we had fated together, and I’m still frozen in summer, right where we ended. I’m cold, even under the burning sun up in the clouds—the ones we used to name after staring at them for too long.

Even if I try to warm myself up by drinking wine, I’m still left with the reminders of you. How I used to hate drinking anything besides those overly carbonated seltzers, how I eventually grew to love the taste of wine, and even beer. Because of you. Maybe it’s all in my head. Maybe I would’ve liked them anyway, with or without you. Still, even if I had already liked drinking wine before you, I’d be left with the memories we shared over a bottle. I don’t regret leaving you. At first, I did. I mourned the loss of our relationship—I watched it all melt away inside of me. But it wasn’t like snow in summer. It was ice in a freezer. The emotions only got stronger. I didn’t even know ice could get colder than it already was. But time passed. Somehow, the rain of emotions knocked out the power in my house and unplugged the fridge. My memory’s gotten a bit foggy—probably has something to do with the humidity the rain brings—and the sky has lost its clouds. The ground is warming up beneath me, and the grass feels nice against the soles of my feet. My hair is almost longer than a daffodil stem, though nowhere near a sunflower’s. Three hundred and six days have passed, and I finally feel warm enough to leave my house without a coat. It feels like how I remember summer to feel. Only this time, I can see fall up ahead, waiting for me. There’s no chance I’m missing this one.